When families don’t see eye-to-eye: how caregivers can handle disagreements

Most seniors rely on their children to help them make decisions about their health, finances, and care options. While family assistance can be extremely beneficial, conflict within this supportive framework can cause it to crumble. As a caregiver for your aging parent, you may find yourself embroiled in some tense familial conflicts. If you’re struggling to find common ground with your siblings surrounding decisions about your loved one, you aren’t alone – many caregivers deal with this problem every day. Here is some helpful information that could improve your current situation.

Understand the root of the conflict

Before you can eradicate the problem, you need to figure out where it stems from. Chances are, the issues you’re experiencing with your siblings can be traced back to many more events than just making decisions about your parent’s senior care situation. Caring.com explained that adults often revert back to the dynamics of their childhoods when they’re forced to handle sensitive family issues. For example, if your little brother was always lost in the mix when you were younger, he may start feeling this way once again when your siblings assemble to make these decisions. The source noted that individual family members often disagree over the condition of their parents as well. So while half your family might view your father as perfectly capable of living on his own, the other half could believe he would benefit from moving into a senior care center. Because some of the decisions you’re making are financial in nature, this can be a source of conflict as well. Whether there’s an inheritance in question or large discrepancies between the income of different family members, economic insecurities could exacerbate disagreements.

How to deal with problems effectively

Instead of routinely getting into big, blow-out fights with your siblings, consider using one of these three conflict management options.

1. Hold family meetings

Before anyone makes any definitive decisions, it’s vital that you gather your family for a sit-down meeting. Conducting business over the phone or through email can get messy and complicated, which is why everyone should take the time to come together and iron out a plan. Many times, simply taking a weekend to discuss options and listen to everyone’s thoughts and ideas can make all the difference.

2. Refer to a geriatric care manager

When your family has a number of clashing opinions about what’s best for your parent, you may want to bring in a professional. According to Aging Care, geriatric care managers are adept at not only arranging senior care, but also at helping families settle their disputes. The source noted that this profession is not common in all parts of the U.S., however, and there are no standard licensing regulations they need to adhere to. Because of this, you should do thorough research before bringing in a GCM so you know that he or she will be the right fit based on your family’s needs.

3. Seek family counseling

If the arguing seems endless and unavoidable, it may be time to take your family to a counselor or mediator who specializes in this type of familial conflict. Caring.com explained that there are professionals who focus on resolving issues that arise within caregiver situations, and many times their fresh perspective helps families a great deal. Even if you and your siblings aren’t butting heads to a severe degree, seeing a family counselor at this sensitive time in your lives can help prevent this type of conflict from arising.