Taking on the responsibility of caring for an elderly parent or loved one is inherently challenging, but the task can present unique difficulties when you’re attempting to provide assistance from far away. Although long-distance caregiving has plenty of obstacles, it’s completely doable with proper planning and these helpful tips.
Stay on top of things
Don’t let the old saying, “Out of sight, out of mind” become applicable to your long-distance care situation. Because your distance prevents you from being present for day-to-day happenings, you need to make staying informed a major priority.
Care.com suggests visiting your relative’s home once a caregiving strategy has been decided upon. Because you’re the primary source of support, you’ll want to use the visit to meet with his or her in-home care providers or assisted living staff to gain a solid understanding of who will be playing your role when you return home.
The source suggests taking the time to speak with your loved one’s doctors, nurses, case managers, activities coordinators and any other people he or she may interact with on a regular basis. When you can put faces to names and titles, you’ll feel more knowledgeable and in control of your relative’s care, even from a distance.
If your loved one is planning to continue living alone, AARP suggested making a comprehensive contact list of friends, neighbors, faith leaders and physicians in case you’re unable to get in touch with your relative. Discuss this list with your loved one and ask him or her if you can give a spare house key to one of the people on it. Ideally, the person with home access would live fairly close-by and be able to arrive quickly in the event of an emergency.
Meet your loved one’s physician and let him or her know you’ll be managing care from afar.
Keep in touch
In addition to being connected to your loved one’s local care community, it’s important that you remain visible to him or her, even if you’re technically a plane ride away. Schedule regular phone calls that your relative can look forward to, and where you can assess how things are going in his or her life. Write letters and send cards for holidays as well.
“Consider using email or Skype to stay in touch.”
If he or she is tech-savvy, consider using email and Skype to stay in touch. If your relative isn’t familiar with these forms of communication but wants to try them, ask someone from your contact list to assist him or her with the technical aspects of setting them up. Consider purchasing your loved one a laptop, tablet or smartphone if he or she doesn’t have one already, since these devices make it easier for everyone to stay connected.
Care.com notes that an important part of staying in touch is sending regular updates to your relative in the form of pictures, videos, children’s artwork and newspaper clippings. Part of being an effective caregiver is sharing your life with your loved one, and it will undoubtedly brighten his or her day to receive mail with this type of content. The source also explains that sending updates can help ease the transition to assisted living by providing your relative with plenty of decorations for his or her new space.
Manage paperwork and finances
The technical aspects of care, like managing bills and filling out forms, can be done anywhere, which is why they’ll be one of your top responsibilities as a long-distance assistant. Once you’ve decided to be your loved one’s caregiver, WebMD suggests discussing the following topics with him or her:
- Writing a will.
- Drawing up a trust so your relative can transfer and distribute assets.
- Establishing joint ownership over finances so you can help manage his or her money.
- Making you a representative payee so you can receive your relative’s government checks.
- Enacting power of attorney so you can make decisions for your loved one.
The source notes that you may want to involve other relatives in this discussion, especially if major family assets will be affected by your decisions.
AARP suggests taking inventory of all your loved one’s legal paperwork. During your initial visit, gather and review the following items:
- Medical records, including doctors’ notes on his or her condition and a list of his or her prescriptions.
- Home, auto and life insurance policies, including both the account numbers and the insurance carriers.
- A comprehensive list of assets and debts.
- Paperwork that indicates annual income versus annual expenses.
- Bank account and credit card documents.
Make copies of all this paperwork so you can refer to them in the future. Store the originals somewhere safe and secure.
Schedule productive visits
While you can manage your loved one’s care from afar, being a long-distance caregiver will inevitably involve some travel. Depending on your distance, visiting your relative can be expensive, so you want to make sure each trip is both fun and productive. AARP suggests calling your loved one a few days before your departure so you can plan an itinerary – be sure to take into account any medical appointments or activities he or she has already committed to.
“Carefully examine the state of your loved one’s residence.”
When you arrive, talk to your relative about any household or personal items he or she may need or want, then offer to go to the store and get them. Go through your loved one’s mail and any paperwork you might not have seen, and address any outstanding financial or legal questions that may have popped up. Additionally, AARP recommends carefully examining the state of your relative’s residence. If he or she is living at home, look for any potential hazards or things that need to be fixed. At an assisted living center, make sure his or her apartment is comfortable and that staff seems qualified, passionate and engaged.
Additionally, the source suggests paying close attention to your loved one’s quality of life. Ask your relative if he or she regularly socializes with friends, makes it to all his or her appointments, eats well and takes all the necessary medication. If anything about your relative’s daily routine concerns you, be sure to address it with him or her and work together to figure out a viable solution.
And, of course, once you’ve taken care of serious caregiving business, relax and have fun with your relative. Use visits as opportunities to reconnect and create wonderful new memories.
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