You experience a range of emotions when you take on the role of caregiver for an elderly loved one. Most times the experience can be rewarding, while at others it can be sad and even frustrating. One emotion that’s common among caregivers, yet difficult to handle, is guilt.
This feeling can manifest itself in many ways – perhaps you feel guilty about moving your parent into a senior health care center, or maybe you experience shame when you aren’t able to pay your loved one’s bills in addition to your own. You shouldn’t have to work through this crippling emotion every day. Here’s some information on how to deal with a guilty conscience.
Accept the situation
The first step toward minimizing guilt is simply accepting that you will have good and bad days as a caregiver. AARP explains that expecting to be constantly happy and energized about the situation is totally unrealistic. Caregiving is an extremely difficult job, one that you’re taking on in addition to your everyday life, and it’s bound to take its toll on your emotional health.
Thus, being a caregiver can be an emotional rollercoaster. One day, you’re happy to spend lots of time with your elderly loved one, and the next day you feel a mix of regret, anger and even resentment toward your loved one. Instead of allowing these negative feelings to breed guilt, simply recognize that you’re human and that the situation is challenging. Recognizing and accepting your feelings is key to managing guilt.
Talk to someone
Bottling up emotions is never healthy, but it can be especially damaging when you’re experiencing an entire spectrum of thoughts and feelings on a daily basis. Remember: Even though you’re providing care for someone else, you still need to care for yourself. Part of doing so means discussing your guilt with a friend, family member, confidante, support group or therapist you feel comfortable talking to about your emotions. The Mayo Clinic notes that communicating your situation to others can actually help your body turn off stress hormones and activate relaxation hormones.
Be nice to yourself
It can be hard to give yourself a break, so try to think about your situation as if it was happening to a close friend. What would you tell your sister if she felt guilty about not being the perfect caregiver for her father-in-law? Chances are you’d remind her how difficult caregiving can be and help her reflect on all that she’s accomplished as his advocate. Whenever you feel guilt creeping in, talk to yourself just like this.
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