It can be difficult for the whole family when aging loved ones develop dementia. Even as connecting with these relatives becomes increasingly difficult, it’s important that caregivers provide them with plenty of personal contact and quality time. As their mental capabilities change, however, so must your lifestyle and communication techniques.
Advice for having effective, calm conversations
Use these four tips for talking to a loved one dealing with dementia to maintain a healthy relationship in the face of this disorder.
1. Being reasonable is not always the best approach
It’s natural to want to discuss sensitive topics calmly, rationally and logically, but this isn’t always the best approach to take when talking to a loved one with dementia. The Family Caregiver Alliance notes that reasonable arguments don’t always register as sensible to people coping with this disorder, which is why engaging in back-and-forth debates might seem logical to you but confusing, unreasonable and uncomfortable to your loved one. The source recommended delivering information in simple, direct sentences, since this method of communication is usually more effective.
2. One-on-one works best
It’s easy for people with dementia to get overwhelmed when dealing with large group conversations. To keep them feeling as centered and focused as possible, try talking to your loved ones one-on-one. Although your family and friends mean well and want to comfort your relative with social gatherings and get-togethers, your loved one will likely appreciate the calmness and simplicity of personal conversations instead, recommends the Life Care Planning Law Firms Association.
“Give them your full attention.”
3. Patience is key
It can be frustrating when people stop responding to information the way they used to, which is why patience is absolutely essential when it comes to dementia care giving. The LCPLFA explains that no matter how tempted you are to finish your loved one’s sentences, you should always allow them to complete their thoughts. If they’re veering off course or taking a while to find the right word, asking a constructive question could help them refocus their ideas. Additionally, give them your full attention – they’ll likely get distracted if you’re trying to multitask while talking to them.
4. Resist the urge to focus on reality
As people with dementia progress in their illness, loved ones often forget that major life events occurred. For example, someone dealing with the disease might wake up one day and believe that his mother is still alive, or that he still lives in his childhood home. The Family Caregiver Alliance notes that while you may want to gently remind him that these facts are incorrect, telling him the truth might cause him to grow disoriented and panicked. Instead, try asking him questions about his mother, old house or childhood. This strategy can help calm your loved one down while subtly redirecting the conversation.
It’s important to focus on your senior loved ones’ needs when handling their dementia diagnosis.
How to manage the rest of the family
As your loved one’s primary caregiver, you’re responsible for guiding the rest of your family in the lifestyle changes that need to be made. Try employing these two tips when handling the rest of your clan.
1. Tell your kids and get them involved
While the thought of explaining dementia to your children can be intimidating, it’s important to be as transparent as possible about the situation at hand with everyone involved. WebMD explains that it doesn’t take long for kids to realize that something is off with their grandparents, aunts or uncles, and they will probably have lots of questions for you. Explain to them that it might cause their senior relative to behave differently, and that despite the amount of time and effort you’ll be putting in as a caregiver, you’ll continue to have plenty of time for them, too.
Instead of removing your kids from the situation, try getting them involved, suggests the source. Small children can create cards and drawings for their aging loved ones, or even provide welcome entertainment, while older kids can be your helpers when it comes to caregiving responsibilities. Discuss the ways they can assist around the house, and be sure to recognize their efforts if they agree to take on extra chores.
2. Schedule regular family meetings
Although you’ve taken on the role of caregiver, the rest of your family likely wants to remain as engaged and informed as possible. Schedule monthly get-togethers with the whole clan, and update everyone on daily issues, doctor’s appointments, diagnoses and other vital information. Additionally, check in with everyone to see how caregiving is affecting the family as a whole. It can be a challenging time, so make sure everyone’s opinions are heard during these gatherings.
If you find that many family members are having a hard time dealing with the change, suggest that everyone meet with a case manager or therapist who specializes in this type of situation. Professionals can help your family express their feelings and even develop a better caregiving plan that everyone feels satisfied with, notes WebMD.
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